To My Love

To My Love,

I have been a very negligent blogger the past few months. It is ironic since this semester has been the most eventful one yet.  I am ENGAGED?! First things first, I am not your typical girl and I have not had your the typical "engagement" experiences.  I have felt at times as if I have been under the flames of God and He is molding me and shaping me into the woman He wants me to be. I have grown more in these last few months than any other time in my life.  I have learned of revelation, love, healing, family, salvation, priorities, and much, much more. These last months have contained the hardest yet the sweetest moments I have yet experienced.  I will refrain from going into detail because these last few months I hold to be sacred and very personal. I will however attest that Satan is as real as the noon-day sun. I have felt his power in ways I wish to never experience again. God's power is above all, however, and His love has carried me through. Needless to say, there is some evil force out there that is destined to cease any and all progression I have with this man that I have come to so cherish and love.  We have grown together in ways this little blog post will never adequately articulate. 

I am in love with Carson Garrett. (I can barely type his name without tearing up.) Carson Garrett is perfect. He is perfect to me. I have known him for SIX years. It all started in a math class. We had almost every single math class together in high school and we were randomly assigned to sit next to each other in every single one. Of all times and seats at the 5A Davis High School...Coincidence?  We became inseparable since. 

When I was 16 years old, Carson was my first kiss. We were best friends for a year before we even had our first kiss...might I add, he was very patient with me as I was as nervous as could be to kiss a boy. ha.  We flirted in the halls of Davis High School. We spent many summer nights laughing in his little red pick-up truck. We danced like wild-bangies at high school dances. He has traveled across states many times to surprise me in various sporting competitions. He is my #1 fan. He has always been my #1 fan!!! We got lost together on nearly every hike we went on (Elephant Rock). We experienced those feelings of long separation (mission) and the heartache that comes with the possibility of losing all that we had worked so hard to gain. We experienced life together while we were apart.  Most of all, we discovered what it was like to love. Carson has showed me how to love. He is part of my soul.

Since he has returned from Poland, we have fought for a love that should have ended many times. We have conquered battles that I wish on no one. Carson has loved my selflessly as I have battled with other things. We have been through hell and back. God has certainly been prevalent. He knew I needed those experiences to grow. Because of those experiences, I love this man more than my own life. We have proven that we can do hard things. We are engaged to be married; it still does not seem real to me. We are certainly different people than we were when we were 16 years old. It is so fun to see our progress. We were so young, naive, and so incredibly blissful and yet some things haven't changed much. I do not know what the future has in store but I cannot wait to experience the rest of my life with him. I count it as one of my greatest blessings.

I am so far from perfect and have made so many mistakes. But it was the moment when I realized I would really lose him forever, that I realized, I want him to be my forever. 

Carson, I will love you forever.