My Whole Heart

Today, I came across a beautiful message my friend recently discovered that spoke to my heart in a way I cannot adequately articulate. It touched me.  I am so grateful she shared it (thank you Alyse Saarelainen) and I could not resist sharing it with you.  

Escape your responsibilities of the world for one moment.  It is worth it.

Take a deep breath.

Listen to some inspiring music: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23z40lx0Pew

And really read:

"We know that on some level Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence in Gethsemane. It’s our faith that he experienced everything - absolutely everything. Sometimes we don’t think through the implications of that belief. We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind, about the suffering of the entire human family. But we don’t experience pain in generalities. We experience it individually. That means Jesus knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer - how it was for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ship sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced napalm in Vietnam. He knows about drug addiction and alcoholism. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only children who ever come are visitors, when you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week, when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all that. He’s been there. He’s been lower than all that.

Give him your whole heart, all the pieces, and let him heal you.

...If one great constant in the universe is the unfailing love of the Savior, the other great constant is his unfailing respect for human agency. He will not override your will, even for you own good. He will not compel you to accept his help. He will not force you to accept his companionship. He leaves you free to choose.

He’s not waiting for us to be perfect. Perfect people don’t need a Savior. He came to save us in our imperfections. He is the Lord of the living, and the living make mistakes. He’s not embarrassed by us, angry at us, or shocked. He wants us in our brokenness, in our unhappiness, in our guilt and our grief."

- Chieko M. Okazaki from Lighten Up

I know that my Redeemer lives.  He is the reason I live.

Give him your whole heart and let Him heal you.

I promise, you will not regret it.

Today, I Taught Myself.

 This afternoon, I promised my mom I would help her with a few things around the house in preparation for moving.  I ventured down to the basement to go through my bin of belongings to throw out what I did not want.  My bin proved to be a treasure trove filled with pictures, jerseys, trophies, love notes, and journals.  I was overcome with different emotions as I reminisced on past experiences and friendships.  I am so blessed.  I ended up not chucking anything : )

I sat on the storage room floor for at least an hour and a half reading through my journals, grinning from ear to ear as I read each entry.  I loved reading through my high school journals.  High school seems like ages ago.  In fact, I dropped my little sister off for volleyball this morning.  Four years ago, I was the one being dropped off for summer volleyball practices at Davis High.  Now, my life is consumed with entirely different responsibilities, people, and experiences. 

 Cherish life=we only have one shot at it, do not waste it.

  

 My journals included newspaper clippings from historic events (e.g. September 11), wonderful letters, personal feelings, learning experiences, pictures, tickets, hilarious stories, and my testimony on nearly every page.  I grew up writing in my journal.  And I am so grateful I did.  Today, I taught myself.   Ironic isn’t?  One would think it would be the other way around, now that I have more years and knowledge under my belt.  However, the pure and simple testimonies I consistently jotted down daily show a direct correlation to the noticeable elation I felt in my teenage years.   (Simplicity can be the best teacher.)

It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.

-Judith Kelman

 I am now a senior in college.  I will graduate next spring.  I want to continue living a life full of love, laughter, and passion.  I can still be ridiculously happy despite the hardships of life when I draw near to God and His Beloved Son. With God, we have every reason to be happy.

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.                          -unknown

Bucket List

During one of my work breaks, I decided to write out a bucket list for the next few years of my life.  This list ended up being a few pages longàLife is too short to waste away doing things you do not love to do.  

Aside from graduating from college, ‘camping’ in my own backyard with my husband (oh-getting married is in there too), making up a beautiful lullaby for my children, or buying a cute puppy,

I want to teach in Africa.

I had the opportunity to go to Africa, Egypt in particular, a year ago. 

The photograph below was taken the first second I crossed the border into Africa.  I could barely contain my enthusiasm. 

I must go back, for there are far too many places I have yet to experience.

Since middle school, one of my dreams has been to live in Africa for a short time and serve. (It would be even more worthwhile/safe if I could share this experience with my husband.)  I want to travel. I want to immerse myself with other cultures and peoples.  I want to see the world.

I want to make a difference.

Guess what? Next year, I will have an official teaching degree and I CAN TEACH!  Looks like I just need to a. get married and b. find some form of financial support for my dream.

AND someday (in many more years), I would love to start my own Charity Organization to benefit people all over the world. 

Weekend of Hope

My semester is one of love, laughter, immense growth…and unexpected stress.  I am in the midst of my hardest semester at BYU while simultaneously bombarded by many personal and imperative decisions.  After my second round of midterms, I spontaneously ditched the rest of my classes, jumped into the car with my sister and my cousin, and headed to Midway to attend my mom’s retreat.  [In correspondence with my mother’s recently published book, “Be Well,” Beneficial International hosted a four-day retreat.  Individuals from all over the country came to recommit to a happier and healthier lifestyle...recommitting to a better life.  

This retreat consisted of numerous classes/seminars each day on various chapters of my mom's book. 

My mom is a bomb teacher.  I love her SO much.

Food curtailed around the Candida Diet...aka vegetables. No fruit, breads, flour, sugar etc. Everything I eat=prohibited. Good thing for Grandparents who smuggle in sugar for a few of us who were not anticipating it nor quite mentally prepared for it. 

Reflexology. 

My Grandma is brilliant professional and helps countless numbers of people come to understand the body every day. One day she gave a entire demonstration on reflexology and I was lucky enough to "help her out"...yeah baby! 

(Below: Chels workin' on Natalie's feet. Look at that concentration)

Meditation in the Crater

Evil Twin :)

One Obsession: The Yoga sessions. 

One Evening: Candle-Light Yoga:

(Sweet picture of Emily, our instructor)

Yoga gave me an excuse to “step outside” of my life, my insecurities, and my stress to channel my energy and my focus entirely inward.  For the first time in years, I took the time to hear myself breathe… to literally focus solely on an action I subconsciously do every second I am alive.  I could feel the slow rising and falling of my stomach, like a small balloon inside of me…the steady beat of my heart…the serenity of the silence.  Our bodies are sacred and beautiful creations; it does not matter the size or the shape, they are all unique and all beautiful.  I love my body.  I recognize it is a glorious gift from God.  I felt an unbelievable closeness to Him as I detached myself from the world and centered my focus on Him and giving me the gift of life on this earth.  The silence was a blanket that protected me from the bombardment of responsibilities and allowed me to fully channel my thoughts on me, who I am as a person, Rachel Jackson.  A light and energy radiated within my soul as I realized how blessed I am to be alive.  Happiness consumed every part of my body.  Gratitude quickly brought me to reality as I contemplated how lucky I am to be alive.  I can see, I can hear, I can love, I can laugh, I can run, I can talk.  I have only one life to live and every second wasted worrying, hating, and stressing is a second snatched away from really loving it.  I am realizing the importance of living in the here and now.  I must not take another day for granted.

We all had positive affirmations lying beside our mats, defining and bringing hope to our individualistic situations.  My affirmation card stated:

 “Today is a very exciting time in my life. I am on a wonderful adventure and will never go through this particular experience again.”

The Truth is at Our Fingertips

Today, I just finished the Book of Mormon again. I testify with everything I am that this is a true book.  I remember the first time I completed the Book of Mormon, individually: I was a young teenager on a road trip with my family and we were crossing the Indian Reservation in Arizona.  [Now thinking back on it, I was amongst the descendants of this sacred book…how cool is that?!!!!] The spirit consumed my entire body and tears started streaming down my face as I took upon myself Moroni’s challenge and prayed about the truthfulness of this book.  My soul began to burst with one of the purest and strongest joys I had ever felt.  Six or seven years later, I still remember how powerful and overriding those feelings were and still are when I read it. I can feel a physical difference in my life when I read it compared to when I do not.  When I was younger, I found the language harder to understand and the material hard to relate to.  Now, I can see EVERY single stage I enter in my life directly weaved into this sacred book; it is applicable in every aspect of life. When I read those words, I am receiving advice, wisdom, and love DIRECTLY FROM GOD.  Along with the Bible, the Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ.  We have the truth and knowledge at our fingertips. I know it is true without a doubt in my mind. 

I echo Elder Holland’s words: 

"Now, I did not sail with the brother of Jared. I did not hear King Benjamin speak his angelically delivered sermon. I was not among the Nephite crowd who touched the wounds of the resurrected Lord, nor did I weep with Mormon and Moroni over the destruction of a civilization. But my testimony of this record and the peace it brings to the human heart—given to me through the whispering of the Holy Spirit just as it is given to you—is as binding and unequivocal as was theirs. I testify of this book as surely as if I had, with the Three Witnesses, seen the angel Moroni or, with the Eight Witnesses, handled the plates of gold.

I further testify that not one of us can come to full faith in this latter-day work and thereby find the fullest measure of peace and comfort in our times until he or she embraces the divinity of the Book of Mormon and the Lord Jesus Christ, of whom it testifies. As my great-great-great grandfather said in the early days of the Restoration, “No wicked man could write such a book as this; and no good man would write it, unless it were true and he were commanded of God to do so.”

Read it.

Happily Ever Afters

Love is a beautiful thing.  Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of the day that I would meet the man of my dreams and we would live happily ever after.  To this day, I still find myself delighted and in awe with love.  Call it a crime but occasionally escaping reality, by putting my “hopeless romantic shades” on, is my kind of living.  For example, I thoroughly enjoy looking at complete strangers’ engagement photography blogs and wedding videos despite my insanely-busy schedule.  It is so fascinating to see who people decide to share the rest of their life with and even more interesting to hear why. I cannot help it… I am a romance-supporting, love-observing, chick-flick lovin’ kind of a girl. There is something about someone selflessly giving up everything they have for another 
person that so sparks my interest.
  

There are billions of individuals on this Earth, no two individuals are exactly the same…not even identical twins…and yet every single person who has ever lived has the potential and yearning to love and be loved.   Some have lost hope in finding love.  As told by the increasing divorce statistics, marriage is hard to maintain. However, today, more than ever, it is important to realize that love is a verb; it is something we must do to feel.  We do not simply fall in and out of love.  Prince Charming will ride as quickly out of the relationship, on his white stallion, as he did in…if no work or effort is put into fostering the relationship.  

Elder Groberg described why love is a universal joy:

“Men give various reasons, but the real reason is that every person who comes to earth is a spirit son or daughter of God. Since all love emanates from God, we are born with the capacity and the desire to love and to be loved. One of the strongest connections we have with our premortal life is how much our Father and Jesus loved us and how much we loved Them. Even though a veil was drawn over our memory, whenever we sense true love, it awakens a longing that cannot be denied. Responding to true love is part of our very being. We innately desire to reconnect here with the love we felt there. Only as we feel God’s love and fill our hearts with His love can we be truly happy.”

In five days, I will be 21. I cannot believe I have already been alive for 21 years!  The people and places I have lived have enabled me to discover countless beauties of life.  One beauty I have better acquainted myself, in the recent years of my life, is…LOVE.   From the “butterflies” of the grade school crushes to the deep, powerful love that gives reason to life, my little heart has endured quite a spectrum of feelings for one of my age.  I would not trade one single memory, heartache, or love-filled relationship, for I am deeply grateful and humbled to have the depth and knowledge I acquired from each one.  I anticipate my definition of love to be built upon and enhanced in 50 years [“Then” by Brad Paisley articulates this concept]. Although I am still very young and far from the wisdom of my elders, I did not know a heart could experience so much love and yet also survive so much heartache and still keep pumping.  There are times where I feel like I am drowning in the vast pool of feelings contained within my heart. Yet, I cannot help but marvel at the grandeur of our hearts and the ability we have to feel love. 

  
I now am at the age where I am selecting my own “Prince Charming” to have a “Happily Ever After” for eternity.  Despite surmounting decisions to make and complicated circumstances, I refuse to believe that I, too, cannot have a beautiful love story.  I refuse to let the decisions I have to make and the fear of the unknown paralyze me and hinder my succession of such a dream. 

Love is beautiful. Love is real. Love is a choice. 

 Happy endings are not just in fairy-tales. 

 With trust in God, my fairy-tale can become a reality.